Our Process - How We Work

We work closely with our clients to understand their needs and goals, immersing ourselves in their daily operations to understand what makes their businesses tick.

Our private detectives team accompanies the company directors for several weeks, while our account managers focus on going through their trash. Our senior security experts then conduct social engineering attacks to access their business accounts - providing this information to our forensic accounting team.

Once the complete audit is done, we report with a comprehensive plan and, most importantly, a budget.

Based on the Discovery phase, we develop a comprehensive roadmap for each product and begin working towards delivery. The roadmap is an intricately tangled mess of technical nonsense designed to drag the project out as much as possible.

Each client is assigned a key account manager to keep communication lines open and obscure the actual progress of the project. They act as a buffer between the client's incessant complaints and the development team working hard scavenging open-source projects for reuse.

Our account managers are trained to respond to client emails only after 9 pm, several days after the initial email. This reinforces the overall aura that we are very busy and discourages clients from requesting changes.

Approximately halfway through the Construction phase, we delay each project by 6 weeks due to a change in requirements. This allows us to increase the budget one last time before launch.

Despite using largely pre-fabricated components, most of the progress on each project occurs in the final 24 hours. The allocated development time for each client is actually spent creating viral augmented reality demos on Twitter.

We ensure that the main pages of the site are fully functional at launch - the auxiliary pages, of course, will be lorem ipsum shells that are updated as part of our expensive maintenance contract.